Hegemony, Hypocrisy, Hierarchy.
Hypocrisy
(Experience 2)
Characters:
Dr. Path
Jane Doe
Lawyer
Prologue:
Dr. Path stands and addresses the audience.
PATH
Thanks Keith. And, thank you all for being here. Being together to look at this (pause) common yet unthinkable problem. How many of you feel that way? How often you hear of violence? Yet, it escapes you? Not you. Not someone you love, Right? (pause). I have worked with women dealing with sexual trauma for over 15 years. It’s a pandemic. One of my biggest conflicts as a practitioner and researcher...how do we find our sexuality amidst so many pervesions and threats? Can one find it? Dr. Manly outlined masculinity, the role of men in a patriarchal society. Is it our choice? Or are men also working with the same script—that’s what I call it –tell my colleagues and clients. It’s a script. Two entities fulfilling roles, all of it already written.
How many of you know someone—anyone—who has been a victim of sexual violence. (waits counts). That looks roughly like a third, maybe even a half of you. Let’s take a moment. That’s pretty remarkable isn’t it. (pause) How many people, in the last month, have read, viewed or listened to at least one news story about violence against women. (pause). Ok., that’s nearly everyone. One or two of you (pause) I’m guessing don’t get out much? (laughter). And now, how many have ever seen depictions of women being murdered or raped in movies or television. (pause). I could go on, obviously. What do we do with these experiences? What will we do with the experience of this young woman on campus who was stuying in an empty classroom?
Scene: Small therapy office represented by a couch and a chair. A small table to one side of the room (near the therapist chair and doorway) with an electric tea pot. Near the table is the door to the office. The stage is minimalist and surreal. There is a velvet curtain hanging, suspended down to the side of the stage. A large clock looms over the scene. As scene opens the screens are blank, the stage is empty.
Off Stage, near, entering:
PATH
JANE
No. not at all--It was really easy to find.
ENTER PATH and JANE
PATH
Good. I'm glad. Sometimes its tricky. This part of town. (pause) Would you like some tea?
JANE
no Thanks.
PATH
You sure? I have mint, green tea? I'm going to have some. Tea is comforting... you sure?
JANE
What?
PATH
Tea? Have a seat. (starting to sit down.): Please have a seat. Those are nice boots.
JANE
Thanks.
PATH
Has anyone told you that before?
JANE
My boots?
PATH
Pretty cool boots. I like those.
JANE:
thanks. They are kind of old. (awkawrdly): I dont' usually go to male therapists.
PATH:
No? Why not? Why is it that you don't see male therapists?
Silence.
JAME:
I don't know.
PATH:
You don't know...well how is it that you came to see me?
JANE:
My friend’s a lawyer. She referred me to you—because of your work with sexual trauma.
PATH
(nods). Ok.
CLIENT:
I don't know—should I give you background? Maybe I should fill you in on some of the problems I have. Or have had. And then I can tell you about these women in my neighborhood. It should all make sense I think-- I dont' really want to tell you because I don't want you to think that this problem with these women is my fault—do you know what I mean?
PATH:
(shakes his head). No.
Silence.
JANE:
(deep breath). I am worried that you are going to think I am mentally ill.
PATH
I wouldnt' know if you’re mentally ill.
JANE:
Well, I have had a weird past and I have weird thoughts, but I have a normal life, all of this is underneath where people can't see. I know when I talk about it, it sounds crazy. Everytime I tell a therapist, eventually...
PATH:
It doesn't sound crazy to me so far.
JANE:
(deep breath). Ok, well I know that when people come in with problems and the kinds of problems that I have, it ends up sounding like –in the end, I mean-- that I am the one with the problem.
PATH
(after a long pause, sips tea): Why don't you tell me about these women.
JANE
I guess it’s important for you to know that I may sound like I’m totally fucked up but I’m not. I mean, I’ll leave here and I have a very...
PATH
A very what?
JANE
Normal life.
PATH
Ok. Well then I believe you.
JANE
But, I haven’t told you.
PATH
So tell me.
JANE
I am finishing my doctorate.
PATH
(surprised) Oh, well, that is something. What are you studying? What do you do?
JANE
I’m not done. With my doctorate. I’m getting old and ...
(a moment passes)
I study infant development. Young children with disabilities. I do research at the university.
PATH
I remember doing that, working on my doctorate. Good for you. See crazy people don’t usually do things like that.
JANE
And, I am married. I’ve been with my husband almost 16 years. I have a six year old daughter. I feel very lucky to have them. Things are normal.
PATH
See there? You seem perfectly fine. Maybe you’ve come to the wrong place? There’s a coffee shop down the road. Maybe you don’t need me.
JANE
Why –why are you saying that? I haven’t told you my problems.
PATH
I want to make sure that you decide to be here. It’s not up to me. It’s a lot of money if you don’t think you have a problem.
JANE
I did think-- I did decide to come here.
PATH
(laughs). OK. Tell me about the problem. With these neighbors.
JANE
A lot of problems. It’s hard to desc--. Even thought I have this normal life. I don’t really. There is something about me that is—I am not like other people, even though I seem like other people. I was abused as a child. I was raped when I was 27. I am still afraid all of the time. I hold it inside because I don’t want to scare my daughter. I guess that’s why I came here because I am having these problems with these neighbors and it is making me have flashbacks to being raped...I am now afraid all of the time. I’m afraid for my daughter.
PATH
That is a lot to deal with.
JANE
(holds back crying). I really want to get better.
PATH
Can I do something with you? To help you. To find out what you need?
JANE
What?
PATH
I want to see...I want to talk a little about the trauma. See I don’t think you’re mentally ill. Researchers now know that a lot of illnesses women are diagnosed with...a lot of problems women have are due to trauma. PTSD.
JANE
Oh.
PATH
I’d like you to tell me a little about what happened –when you were raped-- if you can. I want to see if you—how much you stay present here with me. (pasue) Can we do that?
JANE
I guess so. What do I do?
PATH
Just tell me a little about what happened.
JANE
Is this like hypnosis?
PATH
No. but you need to trust me. And you can. Trust me. OK Jane?
JANE
(sits back and thinks for a moment. Looks around).
PLATH
Look at me and tell me.
JANE
(voice trembles and pace slows)
Ok. I worked at an office in San Francisco
(long pause)
PLATH
Come back. Stay with me. I can see you wanting to leave here. Go somewhere else. But stay.
JANE
I was –should I just tell you what happened—just the story?
PLATH
Stay with it.
JANE
Ok. I was working in the office and a man came in. He was very weird looking--
PLATH
What did he look like?
JANE
(starts breathing heavily)
I don’t think I want to talk about this--
PATH
No. Don’t then. Let’s not. it takes time. What do you want out of therapy, Jane?
JANE
I want to get better. I don’t want to be afraid.
PATH
And,
JANE
I don’t want to make my daughter afraid.
PATH
I think we can do that. I think it’s possible. Probable.
JANE
I hope so.
(after a moment)
PATH
It is. (pause) Do you know the movie Klute?
JANE
I think so. It’s from a long time ago? Jane Fonda--
PATH
Jane Fonda. She’s a call girl named Brie. She’s so tough and won’t let anyone in. She’s afraid deep inside of herself. But she acts tough--Then this detective comes into her life and he offers her an opportunity to – let’s see. To have a normal life.
JANE
Oh.
PATH
(changes his tone)
I think you would like it. I don’t know if some of the scenes would be good for you to watch—there’s a violent scene in the end. That may trigger you. Maybe you shouldn’t watch it.
Lights.
JANE
alone on stage. (addresses audience).
I watched Klute. I tried to understand what he was seeing in me. Was I like Jane Fonda? Was I like that?
I went back. Month after month. I learned at a very young age how to construct a normal story from a lie. Was this even a lie? I can’t define it. It’s a relationship. Two people talking. Something happens underneath, but it is so far underneath, isn’t it? My mother’s sister called it “embroidering the truth.” How did she do that? I asked her, but her voice disappeared into the darkness. Sometime he explained it to me. See, when Brie Daniels had sex with these men she wanted them to kill her. And he said that the only time she was her real self was when she was acting on stage. Isn’t that ironic?
(long pause)
Already its’ six Months later.
Lights up.
JANE
I really hated her though. She was always so mean. She one time sent me a letter. She was very old. She said she was going to take some pills.
PATH
Kill herself?
JANE
That’s what she said. She sent me the letter and she wrote “I’m sending this to you because you’d just as soon throw it in the garbage as help me.”
PATH
That’s mean. She sounds terrible.
JANE
She was mean. She hated me. And I hated her. She wanted me to tell my sister and brother about wanting to take the pills about feeling so guilty.
PATH
Did you?
JANE
Yes. I told them and they helped her... despite her meanness. (pause). So I said it “Nanna sent me this letter.” I felt left behind when they called her. Like an orphan. And that’s how it always was. All of my family was like that. Cruel. I really hate her.
PATH
Well then, I hate her too. (jokingly disgusted). Nanna.
(both laugh)
JANE
You don’t know her.
PATH
But, I know you. I believe you. She was very unkind to you.
(pause)
JANE
Thanks.
PATh
Do you want to see what I’m doing with my computer?
JANE
Taking notes?
PATH
Come over here. You can look at what I’m doing.
(Jane walks over to the chair leans over and looks at his computer).
PATH
See all the green words?
JANE
Yeah.
PATH
That’s when you are present. Yourself.
JANE
Oh
PATH
See here? The red is when you are regressed.
Lights.
JANE
I think I’m going to give it all up and just be a writer.
PLATH
You’ve written a lot haven’t you?
JANE
Yes. Especially after my mother dies. Strangest thing. I have been working on a new book. It’s terrible. It really isn’t working, but I don’t care I just keep writing it.
PLATH
That must mean something. What is it about.
JANE
It’s about a woman who’s a college professor. She is at some east coast school—english professor. She’s very aloof, but strong. One of her students is raped and she sort of goes crazy with this situation. She becomes obsessed with it. And, the guy who did it, he is obsessed too. He tries to scare her at first but she isn’t scared. There is one scene when he is out on bail. She is leaving the building, very noir, dark. Tall stone buildings. She is trying to call her husband, but they aren’t getting along. She looks up and its as if the rapist has just appeard out of no where. It’s dark and she’s alone. But she is so full of hatred. He says, “I can see your classroom from this bench. I see you and Gretta” Gretta is the girl he raped. She is a wreck. The professor, Anne, she looks at him intently. She opens her phone and dials 911. He watches her in disbelief. And she stares at him and says calmly into the phone, “I am here with a rape suspect who is out on bail. He is pursuing the victim and has violated his reastraing order.” She pauses and he whispers “you bitch.” And runs away. But, she isn’t afraid.
PATH
(after a moment)
That’s you. The professor is you. Isn’t she?
JANE
I don’t know.
PATH
Jane. You are so mesmerizing. Do you know that about yourself? So incredibly captivating. The way you tell stories. That’s what you’re good at. I can see why so many people like you...how you draw them into your orbit.
JANE
Oh thanks.
PATH
I mean it, you’re like Neptune. You walk in the room and you command the seas. (pause) You must know this about yourself. It’s important to know. It’s a strength. Sometimes I’m blown away by you.
JANE
Well, thanks. I’m not sure I see it that way.
PATH
Don’t be coy about it... its true.
JANE
I’m not.
PATH
grows quiet. Looks aroud, rises and makes a tea.
Tea?
JANE
No thanks.
PLATH
Why don’t you ever want my tea?
JANE
It’s not you. I just had a coffee.
PLATH
seems distracted. Looking at the wall for a moment. Sits back down and stares at her for a long moment.
JANE
Is everything ok?
PATH
Well—I’m sorry. I I’m a little distracted. I have something on my mind.
JANE
It’s ok.
PATH
I’m in a situation. Right now. I shouldn’t say anything. (pause). A good friend of mine. His wife’s gone off the deep end. She keeps calling and texting me. I’m worried about them both.
JANE
Oh, I’m sorry.
PATH
Yes. Well the worst of it is that his wife— this women. she’s been sending me pictures on my phone.
JANE
Oh.
PATH
She’s naked and keeps sending them in all these poses. She’s been sending me naked pictures. I don’t--
(long pause)
I think I could help her. I mean I think she needs someone to control her.
LIGHTS dim. Back to
JANE
addressing the audience.
(This time she is getting made up (miming).)
What I said to myself was that I wanted to do this. I wanted to learn to have an affectionate relationship with a man without projecting my sexual abuse crap on him. There was also the basking.
The problem was that I was having near constant PTSD. It was very hard to hold it in at home and work. I didn’t want my daughter washed into that vast ocean—that irrational ugliness I didn’t want her life replaced by the prison I was in. And my mind raced and raced with excitement. And shame.
LIGHTS
Therapy room. A sort of hypnosis.
PLATH
Close your eyes for a minute, Jane.
JANE does.
PLATH
Now open them. What’s happening.
JANE
I am having trouble staying here.
PLATH
Come back—where are you going?
JANE
I (voice drifts)
PLATH
Come back. See you’re still here. You’re not going any where (pause). There you go again. Come back Jane. See you can come back. You don’t go very far. (long pause). Jane open your eyes and look at me.
JANE
It’s this weird silence.
PATH
I know. I know where you’re going—but you don’t go. A little part of you stays here. It’s all right. You are still here.
JANE
How could you do that?
PLATH
It takes a lot of concentration.
JANE
I could feel you following my thoughts. How did you know when I was dissociating.
PLATH
I concentrate very hard when I do this. Your sweater. The stripes. When I was working wth you, they were making it hard to be with you. Like interference.
JANE
Wow.
PLATH
All right. You did really good work today. (pause) Jane, sometimes in therapy...sometimes the therapist gets as much out of a session as the client.
JANE doesn’t respond.
PLATH
I don’t want you to pay for today’s session.
JANE
Oh, no. Don’t be silly--
PLATH
Really. You helped me today. There are times when a therapist gets as much out of the session as the client.
JANE
No. I don’t.
PLATH
Really.
JANE and PLATH stand. PLATH walks closer to her. Stands for a moment.
PLATH
What do you call this sweater? Is it a sweater? A cape?
JANE
(shows it off a little)
I don’t know.
PlATH
Oh, I like it. It’s interesting. Maybe a cape?
JANE
Thanks.
PLATH
(opening the door)
Have fun out driving in your subaru today. In your cool boots.
JANE
to Audience.
I was walking at the university. There are blocks with trees and benches. A green running between the buildings. It’s called Park blocks. It was windy and the leaves were falling. It was like Wings of desire. Slow motion, angels or spirits walking with me. Just like autumn. And, the people moving so slowly. It couldn’t have been real, but it was as if—At that moment, when I suspected it wasn’t real, I could see a man’s face, and I was giving in to the liquid suspension. I didn’t care any more. I recognized the silence.
(enter PLATH) stage still dim.
PLATH
Then what happened?
JANE
I could see a man’s face. I recognized it and if I could feel anything it was a deep inside fear. But I couldn’t feel really feel so it was apart from me-- so I just recognized him. The wind blew and the leaves fell like feathers from the sky, in slow motion.
PLATH
You’re dissociating
JANE
But, then I noticed that all the men had the same face. All the men who passed me were the same man. I started to panic. Because this was really crazy--Well, I guess I knew they weren’t the same. A part of me-
PLATH
That’s it! Did you hear what you said? You knew they weren’t the same. See? Do you see Jane? That’s what makes you differnet from people who really are crazy. This is trauma. You did very good work today.
Lights. EXIT PLATH.
JANE
I’m dreaming. In the dream I am about to kiss Dr. Plath. It is that same timeless place. But, just as he leans to kiss me a woman enters. She says “don’t.” I said “Oh you’re right.” And then she said “thank you.” I walk away. I leave their house and I am in a dangerous neighborhood and everywhere I go, the earth sinks or bridges melt underneath me. I think I will have to find a way to get into someone’s house. I could see people down the road, dark shadows waiting for me. But then, as dreams are, I was on a plane. It was silent there too. A cabin, no engine. The flight attendant announces: Ladies and gentleman. The pilot has informed us that the landing gear is malfunctioning. It will not work. We are going to make it down, but its not going to be an easy landing.
I woke in the middle of the night. As dreams do, the words echoed over and over in the darkness “we’ll make it down but it’s not going to be an easy landing.”
Lights up
PLATH
I really do. I think you’re psychic
JANE
Why?
PLATH
You are. (pause) Hey listen. I have to mail this letter. Would you come with me? Would you walk with me—just down the street?
JANE
Sure.
EXIT
PLATH
(retrieving a letter from his desk)
It’s nice outside. It’s nice to be outside. A spring day.
(they start out)
PLATH
What is your favorite season to fall in love.
JANE
(tiring of it)
I don’t know.
PLATH
Any season! Is that right?
JANE
Yes.
(walk a little way)
PLATH
Wow. You look like a professor in that outfit. I didn’t realize it before.
JANE does not respond
PLATH
You look like one of my professors in the doc program. God, you’re intimidating the hell out of me, to be honest.
(lights dim – standing in nowhwere)
PLATH
Tell me something.
JANE
What should I tell you?
PLATH
Let’s see. What are you studying right now?
JANE
I just read something about brain development that I thought was interesting—you know. I don’t really want to talk about--
PLATH
I want to hear about it—tell me. It’s interesting...really.
JANE
It has to do with abuse and attachment. and brain structures. The amygdala—where we feel fear. It’s enlarged when a child is abused. Over reactive. It releases these chemicals and they are pumping through your brain all the time. Stress hormones.
PATH
Here we are. At the mailbox. We have to go back now, I guess?
(walk back to the chairs. Sit)
JANE
Here we are again.
PATH
Here we are.
JANE
Don’t you ever get sick of hearing people’s problems. I mean, I respect what you do and im sure people say the same thing about my research. Watching videos of parents and babies for hours and coding every little interaction. (pause) but every day you listen to problems over and over. Doesn’t it get boring?
PLATH
No. (long pause). I don’t get bored. I like to watch people. Like looking out the window at a little bird. I just watch them and try to think who are they? What does this little bird. Studying them—who is this little bird I’m watching-- Like you. You are a lion. You are fierce and try to scare everyone away—but inside you are like a kitten...afraid. It intimidates me you intimidate me, how vulnerable you are. I’m afraid I’m going to hurt you.
JANE
No. I’m fine.
PLATH
No. I don’t get bored. And, you know sometimes—therapists sometimes they think about a client. That’s their way of knowing that something is stirred up inside of them. There are clients that a therapist thinks about all of the time. I think about certain clients all day, no matter what I’m doing— In that case, I meditate on it. What does this client mean to me?
LIGHTS
Jane
being psychopathic rarely means that you're a serial killer – or even that you'll break the law. Actually, within the framework of clinical psychology, a psychopath is someone with a distinct cluster of personality traits including charm, charisma, fearlessness, ruthlessness, narcissism, persuasiveness, and lack of conscience.
That’s what they said on an on-line psychopath test.
I am saying this now because I know the whole story. I didn’t know back then then and I was on a mission to remove my own sexual abuse projections from a friendship. I told him everything and that made me think...
Well, it made me think that he was the person who could go with me back to Georgia, back to 12 years old. He had gone places with me in my mind before—hypnosis I guess. And, it’s true, I thought all the time about going back. Ready at a moment’s notice, ready to save her. I told my friend after Plath broke up with me. I told her that was what I wanted, to go back and get her—me. But, my friend said. You can’t. It’s gone.
I told him once. It’s like going behind a curtain. Incest. The world outside is normal but you and this other person know the secret place you are together. He said to me “are you saying you are having feelings?”
The whole story waits for me and in the mean time, I make up lies. I embroider the truth. But, eventually I do find out.
Lights come up. Another woman plays an attorney. Plath is sitting at a long table. They are frozen.
Enter JANE. This is what I found after I stopped going to therapy—or really, after Plath broke up with me. That was what it was. It was around the same time he lost his psychologist license. “I may be going away sooner than I thought.”
(holding up a paper). Here it is. After searching on and off for months. Typing things into google like “psychologist transference.” “psychologist boundary violations.” Things like that. Trying to find out the truth—because I was complicit. So totally complicit and that made the secret burrow itself. There was no one to tell. There was no where to go except behind the curtain. The truth was all tangled up in my neurons. In my reptilian brain. After therapy with Plath ended, every few months for a year I would do a psychologist look up. Then one day his psychologist license was revoked. And a pdf was there attached, a hearing document. Typed up in that formal legal format: numbers down the side, tracking sentences for reference. The date of the hearing was at the end of my therapy with Plath.
Line 36: The Board’s proposal to revoke the license of Licensee and to impose a $10,000 civil penalty is based on the following alleged facts that constitue violations of state statues and ethical principles:
39: Client a, an adult female, was referred to Licensee by her boyfriend, Client B an adult male who had received therapy from Licenssee. Client B had extolled quialities of his girlfriend, as well as, some of her vulnerabilities. After initating therapy with Client A, Licensee informed Client B that he had “graduated,” and no longer needed therapy. For 6 months client A (the girlfriend) met with Licensee for weekly sessions. Client A sought therapy due to social relationship issues she had with me. During the course of multiple therapy sessions, Licensee made inappropriate self disclosures to Client A and displayed poor judgement by engaging in role play and physical touch that lacked therapeutic value. Licensee reported feeling strong attration toward the client. Liensee disclosed he had recently ended a long relationship and intiated inappropariate physical contact with her. Licensee called her at home after the last session and arranged for her to come to his apartment the next day whereupon they entered a sexual relationship that lasted sporatically for two years.
JANE (continued)
But, I didn’t know any of this. So I went back to him. He said all sorts of things that were lodging themselves inside of me, and I was waiting for my opportunity to ask him to go back with me.
PLATH – circles her and throws these lines out
Tell me your sexual fantasies. You can tell me—once a therapist and client get to a certain point, you can tell.
JANE
No I don’t feel comfortable.
PLATH
You live in a hundred year old house? Mine is brand new. I can stand and face the woods through large glass windows. I relax at night. Watch TV. Have sex to relax.
(circling)
there is a lecture tonight here at the center. I’m putting it together. It’s on domestic violence. The speaker describes it as a man’s desire for control. Dr. Manly. (pause). Do you want to come with me?
JANE
I can’t.
PLATh
Do you orgasm when you fantasize?
JANE
Yes.
PLATH
You have to be careful. There are nerve endings in the clitorous and they remember fantasies and then they need the fantasy to climax.
JANE and PLATH in his office.
PLATH
Standing near the tea station.
Tea?
JANE
No, thanks.
PLATH
Hmmm. I have to figure out why you won’t drink my tea. (pause) moves to the desk.
JANE
I just have coffee before I come.
PLATH
(holding up a large envelope)
Did you see the man who left? Who passed you in the hallway?
JANE
No. I didn’t notice.
PLATH
He was just in here. This is his MRI. (laughs a little) He brought it in to show me.
JANE
Oh.
PLATH
He has a brain tumor. He wanted me to see it.
(sits across from her)
Jane. Jane. How is Jane?
JANE
I’m all right.
PLATH
What’s on your mind?
JANE
Oh you know. I wanted to ask you. When I sent you that e-mail about our appointment. It looked like there was a sentence you started, or forgot to delete. It said “I think we better...” I wanted to see if you wanted to tell me something.
PLATH
No. (pause). No. I didn’t.
JANE
Ok. Well, things are ok. I’m working and thinking maybe I should give up on my doctorate.
PLATH
Why?
JANE
I’m tired of it. I’m tired of doing everything. Cleaning, taking care of Chloe. I feel like I can’t do everything.
PLATH
Isn’t that what you’re supposed to do?
JANE
What do you mean?
PLATH
You’re married. You have a family. (pause) You know what one of my professors used to tell me? (pause). He said when you feel like this—like it’s too much. You should actually do more.
JANE
More?
PLATH
Yes. And, it’s true.
JANE
Oh, I can see that. I can see how if you get more done then you feel like you’ve accomplished things. There is a lot of frustration. I’m taking writing classes now too. I think maybe that’s what I want to do.
PLATH
You can’t do both?
JANE
I’m trying to. (pause). I feel like maybe there is a projection thing with this one professor. He’s horrible. He’s mean but I’m worried that its sexual or I’m sexual.
PLATH
Why?
JANE
I don’t know. There was this one moment where I gave him my story and he looked at me for a long time. I could feel that. I was worried that I would just fall into that terrible incest thing. Behind the curtain.
PLATH
(after a moment)
you should drop the class.
JANE
Do you think so?
PLATH
Yes. You should drop it.
JANE
Ok. I will.
A moment passes.
klj
JANE
I wanted to talk to you about something.
PLATH
You did?
JANE
I wanted to talk to you about memories I’ve been having. They’re—remember I told you that I moved to Georgia when I was eleven? (pause –looks up at the clock)
(pause) I’ve never been able to deal with it—I always wanted to I tried. Everything, I lost it. (looks at the clock)
PLATh
Why are you looking at the clock? Do you want to leave? Can’t wait to get out of here?
JANE
No.
PLATH
What happened in Georgia?
Lights.
Lights dim on stage.
Jane is standing to the side. There is a curtain behind her. Enter Plath.
JANE
(hair down)
We’re here—behind the curtain.
PLATH
Did you do something new to your hair?
JANE
No.
PLATH
It’ looks different than it usually does.
Without a word Jane pulls her hair back and puts it in a pony tail.
They stare at each other for a moment.
EXIT PLATH
JANE to audience
There are only a few memories and together and on their own, they don’t mean anything. I’m saying I can’t tell you what happened. But, if he could’ve come with me, he could see it too. The first is a old carpet, medium pile. I am in the dirty trailer my mother rented in the trailer park in Acworth. I am near the ceiling and I’m looking down. And I swoop in a smooth arc down from the ceiling to the floor. I can see the fibers of the rug closely. I can see that they are actually many fibers twisted forming each tuft.
(looks up at clock)
Enter PLATH
PLATH
(skeptical)
Jane.
JANE
Another is the puppies. There was a litter. They were little round black and white puppies. I wanted one so badly. I loved their little round bellies and their puppy smell (starts to cry). (looks at the clock). I wanted one, but I couldn’t have one so I’d go out with the other kids and play with them. They waited outside the little stairs to the trailer. I loved them. But, one day, there were puddles of water. There were holes where the posts of the trailers went in. (looks at clock)
PLATH
Why do you keep looking at the clock—do you want to leave?
JANE
No. Time is just moving funny.
PLATH
How.
JANE
It will seem like a long time, then I look and only a minute has passed. (pause) so I went outside and the puppies were dead. They drowned in the puddles. (stops)
PLATH doesn’t say anything.
JANE
And, the last. The last. I was in this room. (looks at the clock) This dark room in the trailer. I kept telling myself I was someone else. I didn’t want to be myself. It wasn’t like another personality, but I would pretend like that. And, that room was dark and small. The walls were thin and covered in linoleium. I remember the wrinkled sheets and the dirty pillow (looks at the clock). Something is happening, but I only can see or remember this plaque.
PLATH
What is a plaque.
JANE
It’s a little wooden –its like a picture—I called it a plaque—it was one of those from the 1970s. It as I think they call it deopauge. There was a little clown. Three balloons. It was one of those 1970s clowns with shellac. The name said Sally Smith.
PLATH
I don’t understand.
JANE
I don’t know. This is what I’m trying to tell you.
PLATh
That there’s a plaque.
JANE
(growing upset)
I have to go.
PLATH
You want to leave?
JANE
I have to go
(gather her things and exits)
Lights fade.
JANE
(picks up the phone)
Dr Plath?
PLATH
On the other side of the stage.
Yes?
JANE
It’s Jane.
PLATH
Oh, hi Jane.
JANE
I’m calling because—I wanted to tell you. I was very upset today.
PLATH
I could see that. I was going to call you to make sure you were ok.
JANE
I feel its important to tell you--
PLATH
Tell me what?
JANE
I didn’t like the way you said—I didn’t like the way you just said. It’s stupid. But when we were talkig about Georgia and the picture in the room—I didn’t like the way you acted. I didn’t sleep all night. I was crying.
Lights dim.
PLATH
(picks up phone after a moment)
Jane?
JANE
Picks up the phone.
PLATH
I’m sorry I hurt your feelings. It has taken me a lot to call you. I’ve wanted to --
JANE
It’s all right.
PLATH
It was a big thing for me to do. I have been thinking about it for a while.
JANE
It’s ok. I just wanted you to know.
PLATH
I shouldn’t have brought it up like that. I usually make sure to allow clients to initiate triggering topic. I usually wouldn’t do that.
JANE
Ok.
PLATH
I hope you sleep well tonight.
Lights.
JANE (to audience)
This is where it turns. It has already turned. It was the same time he was being reprimanded for having sex with his female client.
Lights dim.
Lights on PLATH & Lawyer in another part of the stage.
PLATH
I had just ended a long relationship (long pause). Yes I was extremely attracted to her. I tried to end our professional relationship –
LAWYER
But?
PLATH
It was completely wrong. I had feelings for a client. It was an unusual situation.
LAWYER
And you entered into a sexual relationship with her?
PLATH
(head down)
yes.
LAWYER
You were completing licensing hours. Did you at any time speak to your supervisor?
PLATH
I wanted to.
LAYWER
But you didn’t?
PLATH
No. I had strong feelings for her. I still do.
LIGHTS dim & come up.
JANE waits in “waiting room” indicated by two folding chairs off to the side. Reading a magazine. PLATH sneaks in stealthily without her knowing. Sits down next to her.
JANE
Oh you scared me.
PLATH
(joking)
Hello, doctor. I’m ready for my appointment.
JANE
(doesn’t say anything.)
They both stand.
PLATH
Miss Jane. How is Miss Jane today?
(they walk to the office).
JANE
I’m ok.
PLATH
Come in. would you like some tea?
JANE
No thanks
PLATH
Oh, that’s right I remember. Jane doesn’t drink tea.
JANE
I’m sorry about the session a few weeks ago and not coming in.
PLATH
That’s all right. You come in when you want to. Its for you. Not me.
JANE
Oh good. I’m glad its ok.
(both sit)
PLATH
Of course it is. (pasue, serious). Jane, I know you and you know me--
JANE
(abrupt but kind)
Actually I don’t know you. At all. You’re my therapist. You know everything about me and I don’t know anything about you.
PlATH
(drawing away)
JANE
I wanted to tell you--I had a dream the other night. it was about you and me.
PLATH
(visibly off balance)
Oh, I’m having such anxiety.
JANE
In the dream, we were sitting at a table. I was leaning over to kiss you. But, then I stopped. A woman came in and I realized this wasn’t right. It wasn’t right to do. I stood up and started to leave. And she whispered “thank you.” I walked out and I was lost in a terrible place. It was dark and it was a dangerous neighborhood. I kept wanting someone to take me in until it was daytime again. I could see a gang of dangerous people down the road. It was dark and I was alone. But, you know how dreams are. I was in a plane next. And, it was silent and the cabin moved in that uneasy impossible way up high in the air. Then the stewardess came on and told us “attention. We are having a problem. Our landing gear is malfunctioning.” Everyone was nervous and a murmur gew in the cabin. “please she said. We don’t have any landing gear. The plane will make it down, but it isn’t going to be an easy landing.”
PLATH
(after a moment)
I think you’re psychic. I really do Jane.
JANE
I realized that I’m going to get out of this, but I’m going to almost crash.
PLATH
(fingers intertwined and moving nervously)
This is why you’re psychid—I’ve been--I have to tell you something, Jane. (pause) I’m going to need to end therapy.
JANE
Why?
PLATH
(continues movement with hands)
It’s just--There comes a time in therapy when –sometimes a therapist and a client are done. They’re run their course.
JANE
We are?
PLATH
((continues movement with hands stops looks at his hands)
laughs nervously)
I don’t know why I keep making this sexual gesture with my hands.
JANE
I didn’t notice. I didn’t think it was sexual until you said it.
PLATH
Jane. You can’t be sober with me. You can’t be real. Look at how you act.
JANE
What do you mean?
PLATH
Look at you. What am I suppsed to doing you’re trying to be coy and it goes on and on.
(no response)
Tell me, am I supposed to go along with you? Laugh at your jokes all of the time? (pause) Why do you act like that?
JANE
That’s how I relate to people, expecially wen I talk about trauma.
PLATH
Oh come on. Jane. You can do better than that. You can’t come in here and be sober. You put yourself in this place all the time.
JANE
What am I supposed to do? Come in here and talk about sexual abuse and then (condescending ) act like you’re an old college friend?
PLATH
Don’t mock me.
JANE
I’m sorry.
PLATH
You don’t have to work out your issues with me though me. I had another client who wanted that from me. I told her-- she didn’t have to project that on me. She didn’t have to work it out that way.
JANE
I’m not.
PLATH
Why can’t you be real? Jane, really. It’s time in therapy for me to push you. I can’t let you remain...
JANE
Ok.
PLATH
I’m leaving anyway. I have to take a medical leave. I was going to tell you. But you are one of my more fragile patients. There are a few of you I’ve been worried about telling.
JANE
It’s ok. I’m fine. Where are you going?
PLATH
I think I’ll go back home for a while. I need surgery in a few months for a knee injury. So I’ll go back to Idaho. I think I’m going to write a book. It takes a lot to help patients with trauma issues and it’s been too long—I’m worn down.
JANE
Oh. (pasue). That’s good. I’ll bet you’ll be a good writer.
PLATH
(stares at her for a moment)
So, we’ll need to end therapy.
JANE
When?
PLATH
I’m leaving soon. (pause) I think it would be best if this was our last session.
JANE
Don’t we do something for closure?
PLATH
Not always. Therapsts and patients don’t always need to do that.
JANE
I don’t understand. I feel like you’re mad at me.
PLATh
You can’t be real, Jane. You can’t be sober in life. I can’t let you continue to go on like that in here. It’s a wast of both of our time-- There’s a time when a therapist needs to –you don’t need closure. If you do we’ll figure out a way. How do you want to have closure?
Lights dim.
JANE (to audience)
Maybe we can be friends? We could meet for lunch sometime? –these are the things I thought but I didn’t say—You could meet me on campus. I know just the place to have lunch. I told my coworker—what if we can be friends. After the appropriate time period ends? “Oh right” she said “I’m sure that is everyone’s fantasy. To have a friend who also happens to be your old therapist.”
Walks over to the phone
JANE
Kevin?
PLATH
Jane?
JANE
I wanted to talk with you about something. I don’t like that we just ended therapy. Can I make an appointment with you?
PLATH
Why don’t you come to my office at 7:00.
JANE
Will anyone be there at night?
PLATH
I’ll be here.
JANE
OK
Lights dim. Come up on the other side of the stage. PLATH is waiting in the waiting room, the office is dark, empty.
JANE
Hi.
PLATH
Hi.
JANE
Thanks for meeting with me.
PLATH
Sure, Jane. Come on in.
JANE
Thanks.
They enter office and sit.
JANE
I wanted to talk—to talk to you about something.
PLATH
Well, here we are.
JANE
You asked me to be real so I want to be real.
PLATH
OK.
JANE
I love my husband.
PLATH
Great.
JANE
He’s the only man I trust.
PLATH
That’s why you came here? To tell me that?
JANE
No. I thought I could trust you too. I want to trust you. When I was a child, I was sexually abused. I didn’t know the difference when someone was manipulating me and when they liked me. When I was nineteenI dated a guy who ended up being abusive and crazy and I was terrified so I moved away. I went to a therapist and he said inappropriate things to me. Sexual things.
PLATH
Really?
JANE
I worked at resturants and dealt with sexual harassment. Knew that every other woman I worked with did too. One woman didn’t want to sleep with a cook so he put the plate she was going to pick up . he put it in the over and she had third degree burns on her hands. When I was eleven I moved to a gerogiz and I was abused by my uncle. My mother was always trying to put me in situations with men where I was –I was vulnerable to abuse. I was exploited. I moved to San Francisco and I had to stay with a friend of a friend. He said –joking but real—that if I wanted to stay there I had to sleep with him. I had less than 100 and no where to go--
PLATH
Jane, I’ve worked with a lot of women in the sex industry. Women with backgrounds. Sometimes there’s a happy ending.
JANE
I’m not a sex worker. That’s not what I’m telling you.
PLATH
What are you telling me Jane?
JANE
Im telling you all these things. You know I was raped when I was 27. It goes on and on. This list. And out of every man I’ve known, there’s only been one that I trust. That’s Nick. That’s it.
PLATh
Maybe you should learn to trust other men.
JANE
Why should I?
(no response)
JANE
I feel like. You’ve been acting weird. You’ve – I can’t tell if you’ve been trying to—How do I know you’re not trying to sleep with me.
PLATH
Why do you think that?
JANE
When men are nice the way you are, that’s what they’re doing.
PLATH
I never have before.
JANE
You’ve never had a relationship with a client? A sexual relathionship?
PLATH
No. I’ve never done that before.
(long moment)
JANE
Ok.
PLATH
Stands up.
So, this is it. We’re done?
JANE
What if I need to call you?
PLATH
You’ll be fine.
Lights.
End play 2.
(Experience 2)
Characters:
Dr. Path
Jane Doe
Lawyer
Prologue:
Dr. Path stands and addresses the audience.
PATH
Thanks Keith. And, thank you all for being here. Being together to look at this (pause) common yet unthinkable problem. How many of you feel that way? How often you hear of violence? Yet, it escapes you? Not you. Not someone you love, Right? (pause). I have worked with women dealing with sexual trauma for over 15 years. It’s a pandemic. One of my biggest conflicts as a practitioner and researcher...how do we find our sexuality amidst so many pervesions and threats? Can one find it? Dr. Manly outlined masculinity, the role of men in a patriarchal society. Is it our choice? Or are men also working with the same script—that’s what I call it –tell my colleagues and clients. It’s a script. Two entities fulfilling roles, all of it already written.
How many of you know someone—anyone—who has been a victim of sexual violence. (waits counts). That looks roughly like a third, maybe even a half of you. Let’s take a moment. That’s pretty remarkable isn’t it. (pause) How many people, in the last month, have read, viewed or listened to at least one news story about violence against women. (pause). Ok., that’s nearly everyone. One or two of you (pause) I’m guessing don’t get out much? (laughter). And now, how many have ever seen depictions of women being murdered or raped in movies or television. (pause). I could go on, obviously. What do we do with these experiences? What will we do with the experience of this young woman on campus who was stuying in an empty classroom?
Scene: Small therapy office represented by a couch and a chair. A small table to one side of the room (near the therapist chair and doorway) with an electric tea pot. Near the table is the door to the office. The stage is minimalist and surreal. There is a velvet curtain hanging, suspended down to the side of the stage. A large clock looms over the scene. As scene opens the screens are blank, the stage is empty.
Off Stage, near, entering:
PATH
- No trouble finding the place?
JANE
No. not at all--It was really easy to find.
ENTER PATH and JANE
PATH
Good. I'm glad. Sometimes its tricky. This part of town. (pause) Would you like some tea?
JANE
no Thanks.
PATH
You sure? I have mint, green tea? I'm going to have some. Tea is comforting... you sure?
JANE
What?
PATH
Tea? Have a seat. (starting to sit down.): Please have a seat. Those are nice boots.
JANE
Thanks.
PATH
Has anyone told you that before?
JANE
My boots?
PATH
Pretty cool boots. I like those.
JANE:
thanks. They are kind of old. (awkawrdly): I dont' usually go to male therapists.
PATH:
No? Why not? Why is it that you don't see male therapists?
Silence.
JAME:
I don't know.
PATH:
You don't know...well how is it that you came to see me?
JANE:
My friend’s a lawyer. She referred me to you—because of your work with sexual trauma.
PATH
(nods). Ok.
CLIENT:
I don't know—should I give you background? Maybe I should fill you in on some of the problems I have. Or have had. And then I can tell you about these women in my neighborhood. It should all make sense I think-- I dont' really want to tell you because I don't want you to think that this problem with these women is my fault—do you know what I mean?
PATH:
(shakes his head). No.
Silence.
JANE:
(deep breath). I am worried that you are going to think I am mentally ill.
PATH
I wouldnt' know if you’re mentally ill.
JANE:
Well, I have had a weird past and I have weird thoughts, but I have a normal life, all of this is underneath where people can't see. I know when I talk about it, it sounds crazy. Everytime I tell a therapist, eventually...
PATH:
It doesn't sound crazy to me so far.
JANE:
(deep breath). Ok, well I know that when people come in with problems and the kinds of problems that I have, it ends up sounding like –in the end, I mean-- that I am the one with the problem.
PATH
(after a long pause, sips tea): Why don't you tell me about these women.
JANE
I guess it’s important for you to know that I may sound like I’m totally fucked up but I’m not. I mean, I’ll leave here and I have a very...
PATH
A very what?
JANE
Normal life.
PATH
Ok. Well then I believe you.
JANE
But, I haven’t told you.
PATH
So tell me.
JANE
I am finishing my doctorate.
PATH
(surprised) Oh, well, that is something. What are you studying? What do you do?
JANE
I’m not done. With my doctorate. I’m getting old and ...
(a moment passes)
I study infant development. Young children with disabilities. I do research at the university.
PATH
I remember doing that, working on my doctorate. Good for you. See crazy people don’t usually do things like that.
JANE
And, I am married. I’ve been with my husband almost 16 years. I have a six year old daughter. I feel very lucky to have them. Things are normal.
PATH
See there? You seem perfectly fine. Maybe you’ve come to the wrong place? There’s a coffee shop down the road. Maybe you don’t need me.
JANE
Why –why are you saying that? I haven’t told you my problems.
PATH
I want to make sure that you decide to be here. It’s not up to me. It’s a lot of money if you don’t think you have a problem.
JANE
I did think-- I did decide to come here.
PATH
(laughs). OK. Tell me about the problem. With these neighbors.
JANE
A lot of problems. It’s hard to desc--. Even thought I have this normal life. I don’t really. There is something about me that is—I am not like other people, even though I seem like other people. I was abused as a child. I was raped when I was 27. I am still afraid all of the time. I hold it inside because I don’t want to scare my daughter. I guess that’s why I came here because I am having these problems with these neighbors and it is making me have flashbacks to being raped...I am now afraid all of the time. I’m afraid for my daughter.
PATH
That is a lot to deal with.
JANE
(holds back crying). I really want to get better.
PATH
Can I do something with you? To help you. To find out what you need?
JANE
What?
PATH
I want to see...I want to talk a little about the trauma. See I don’t think you’re mentally ill. Researchers now know that a lot of illnesses women are diagnosed with...a lot of problems women have are due to trauma. PTSD.
JANE
Oh.
PATH
I’d like you to tell me a little about what happened –when you were raped-- if you can. I want to see if you—how much you stay present here with me. (pasue) Can we do that?
JANE
I guess so. What do I do?
PATH
Just tell me a little about what happened.
JANE
Is this like hypnosis?
PATH
No. but you need to trust me. And you can. Trust me. OK Jane?
JANE
(sits back and thinks for a moment. Looks around).
PLATH
Look at me and tell me.
JANE
(voice trembles and pace slows)
Ok. I worked at an office in San Francisco
(long pause)
PLATH
Come back. Stay with me. I can see you wanting to leave here. Go somewhere else. But stay.
JANE
I was –should I just tell you what happened—just the story?
PLATH
Stay with it.
JANE
Ok. I was working in the office and a man came in. He was very weird looking--
PLATH
What did he look like?
JANE
(starts breathing heavily)
I don’t think I want to talk about this--
PATH
No. Don’t then. Let’s not. it takes time. What do you want out of therapy, Jane?
JANE
I want to get better. I don’t want to be afraid.
PATH
And,
JANE
I don’t want to make my daughter afraid.
PATH
I think we can do that. I think it’s possible. Probable.
JANE
I hope so.
(after a moment)
PATH
It is. (pause) Do you know the movie Klute?
JANE
I think so. It’s from a long time ago? Jane Fonda--
PATH
Jane Fonda. She’s a call girl named Brie. She’s so tough and won’t let anyone in. She’s afraid deep inside of herself. But she acts tough--Then this detective comes into her life and he offers her an opportunity to – let’s see. To have a normal life.
JANE
Oh.
PATH
(changes his tone)
I think you would like it. I don’t know if some of the scenes would be good for you to watch—there’s a violent scene in the end. That may trigger you. Maybe you shouldn’t watch it.
Lights.
JANE
alone on stage. (addresses audience).
I watched Klute. I tried to understand what he was seeing in me. Was I like Jane Fonda? Was I like that?
I went back. Month after month. I learned at a very young age how to construct a normal story from a lie. Was this even a lie? I can’t define it. It’s a relationship. Two people talking. Something happens underneath, but it is so far underneath, isn’t it? My mother’s sister called it “embroidering the truth.” How did she do that? I asked her, but her voice disappeared into the darkness. Sometime he explained it to me. See, when Brie Daniels had sex with these men she wanted them to kill her. And he said that the only time she was her real self was when she was acting on stage. Isn’t that ironic?
(long pause)
Already its’ six Months later.
Lights up.
JANE
I really hated her though. She was always so mean. She one time sent me a letter. She was very old. She said she was going to take some pills.
PATH
Kill herself?
JANE
That’s what she said. She sent me the letter and she wrote “I’m sending this to you because you’d just as soon throw it in the garbage as help me.”
PATH
That’s mean. She sounds terrible.
JANE
She was mean. She hated me. And I hated her. She wanted me to tell my sister and brother about wanting to take the pills about feeling so guilty.
PATH
Did you?
JANE
Yes. I told them and they helped her... despite her meanness. (pause). So I said it “Nanna sent me this letter.” I felt left behind when they called her. Like an orphan. And that’s how it always was. All of my family was like that. Cruel. I really hate her.
PATH
Well then, I hate her too. (jokingly disgusted). Nanna.
(both laugh)
JANE
You don’t know her.
PATH
But, I know you. I believe you. She was very unkind to you.
(pause)
JANE
Thanks.
PATh
Do you want to see what I’m doing with my computer?
JANE
Taking notes?
PATH
Come over here. You can look at what I’m doing.
(Jane walks over to the chair leans over and looks at his computer).
PATH
See all the green words?
JANE
Yeah.
PATH
That’s when you are present. Yourself.
JANE
Oh
PATH
See here? The red is when you are regressed.
Lights.
JANE
I think I’m going to give it all up and just be a writer.
PLATH
You’ve written a lot haven’t you?
JANE
Yes. Especially after my mother dies. Strangest thing. I have been working on a new book. It’s terrible. It really isn’t working, but I don’t care I just keep writing it.
PLATH
That must mean something. What is it about.
JANE
It’s about a woman who’s a college professor. She is at some east coast school—english professor. She’s very aloof, but strong. One of her students is raped and she sort of goes crazy with this situation. She becomes obsessed with it. And, the guy who did it, he is obsessed too. He tries to scare her at first but she isn’t scared. There is one scene when he is out on bail. She is leaving the building, very noir, dark. Tall stone buildings. She is trying to call her husband, but they aren’t getting along. She looks up and its as if the rapist has just appeard out of no where. It’s dark and she’s alone. But she is so full of hatred. He says, “I can see your classroom from this bench. I see you and Gretta” Gretta is the girl he raped. She is a wreck. The professor, Anne, she looks at him intently. She opens her phone and dials 911. He watches her in disbelief. And she stares at him and says calmly into the phone, “I am here with a rape suspect who is out on bail. He is pursuing the victim and has violated his reastraing order.” She pauses and he whispers “you bitch.” And runs away. But, she isn’t afraid.
PATH
(after a moment)
That’s you. The professor is you. Isn’t she?
JANE
I don’t know.
PATH
Jane. You are so mesmerizing. Do you know that about yourself? So incredibly captivating. The way you tell stories. That’s what you’re good at. I can see why so many people like you...how you draw them into your orbit.
JANE
Oh thanks.
PATH
I mean it, you’re like Neptune. You walk in the room and you command the seas. (pause) You must know this about yourself. It’s important to know. It’s a strength. Sometimes I’m blown away by you.
JANE
Well, thanks. I’m not sure I see it that way.
PATH
Don’t be coy about it... its true.
JANE
I’m not.
PATH
grows quiet. Looks aroud, rises and makes a tea.
Tea?
JANE
No thanks.
PLATH
Why don’t you ever want my tea?
JANE
It’s not you. I just had a coffee.
PLATH
seems distracted. Looking at the wall for a moment. Sits back down and stares at her for a long moment.
JANE
Is everything ok?
PATH
Well—I’m sorry. I I’m a little distracted. I have something on my mind.
JANE
It’s ok.
PATH
I’m in a situation. Right now. I shouldn’t say anything. (pause). A good friend of mine. His wife’s gone off the deep end. She keeps calling and texting me. I’m worried about them both.
JANE
Oh, I’m sorry.
PATH
Yes. Well the worst of it is that his wife— this women. she’s been sending me pictures on my phone.
JANE
Oh.
PATH
She’s naked and keeps sending them in all these poses. She’s been sending me naked pictures. I don’t--
(long pause)
I think I could help her. I mean I think she needs someone to control her.
LIGHTS dim. Back to
JANE
addressing the audience.
(This time she is getting made up (miming).)
What I said to myself was that I wanted to do this. I wanted to learn to have an affectionate relationship with a man without projecting my sexual abuse crap on him. There was also the basking.
The problem was that I was having near constant PTSD. It was very hard to hold it in at home and work. I didn’t want my daughter washed into that vast ocean—that irrational ugliness I didn’t want her life replaced by the prison I was in. And my mind raced and raced with excitement. And shame.
LIGHTS
Therapy room. A sort of hypnosis.
PLATH
Close your eyes for a minute, Jane.
JANE does.
PLATH
Now open them. What’s happening.
JANE
I am having trouble staying here.
PLATH
Come back—where are you going?
JANE
I (voice drifts)
PLATH
Come back. See you’re still here. You’re not going any where (pause). There you go again. Come back Jane. See you can come back. You don’t go very far. (long pause). Jane open your eyes and look at me.
JANE
It’s this weird silence.
PATH
I know. I know where you’re going—but you don’t go. A little part of you stays here. It’s all right. You are still here.
JANE
How could you do that?
PLATH
It takes a lot of concentration.
JANE
I could feel you following my thoughts. How did you know when I was dissociating.
PLATH
I concentrate very hard when I do this. Your sweater. The stripes. When I was working wth you, they were making it hard to be with you. Like interference.
JANE
Wow.
PLATH
All right. You did really good work today. (pause) Jane, sometimes in therapy...sometimes the therapist gets as much out of a session as the client.
JANE doesn’t respond.
PLATH
I don’t want you to pay for today’s session.
JANE
Oh, no. Don’t be silly--
PLATH
Really. You helped me today. There are times when a therapist gets as much out of the session as the client.
JANE
No. I don’t.
PLATH
Really.
JANE and PLATH stand. PLATH walks closer to her. Stands for a moment.
PLATH
What do you call this sweater? Is it a sweater? A cape?
JANE
(shows it off a little)
I don’t know.
PlATH
Oh, I like it. It’s interesting. Maybe a cape?
JANE
Thanks.
PLATH
(opening the door)
Have fun out driving in your subaru today. In your cool boots.
JANE
to Audience.
I was walking at the university. There are blocks with trees and benches. A green running between the buildings. It’s called Park blocks. It was windy and the leaves were falling. It was like Wings of desire. Slow motion, angels or spirits walking with me. Just like autumn. And, the people moving so slowly. It couldn’t have been real, but it was as if—At that moment, when I suspected it wasn’t real, I could see a man’s face, and I was giving in to the liquid suspension. I didn’t care any more. I recognized the silence.
(enter PLATH) stage still dim.
PLATH
Then what happened?
JANE
I could see a man’s face. I recognized it and if I could feel anything it was a deep inside fear. But I couldn’t feel really feel so it was apart from me-- so I just recognized him. The wind blew and the leaves fell like feathers from the sky, in slow motion.
PLATH
You’re dissociating
JANE
But, then I noticed that all the men had the same face. All the men who passed me were the same man. I started to panic. Because this was really crazy--Well, I guess I knew they weren’t the same. A part of me-
PLATH
That’s it! Did you hear what you said? You knew they weren’t the same. See? Do you see Jane? That’s what makes you differnet from people who really are crazy. This is trauma. You did very good work today.
Lights. EXIT PLATH.
JANE
I’m dreaming. In the dream I am about to kiss Dr. Plath. It is that same timeless place. But, just as he leans to kiss me a woman enters. She says “don’t.” I said “Oh you’re right.” And then she said “thank you.” I walk away. I leave their house and I am in a dangerous neighborhood and everywhere I go, the earth sinks or bridges melt underneath me. I think I will have to find a way to get into someone’s house. I could see people down the road, dark shadows waiting for me. But then, as dreams are, I was on a plane. It was silent there too. A cabin, no engine. The flight attendant announces: Ladies and gentleman. The pilot has informed us that the landing gear is malfunctioning. It will not work. We are going to make it down, but its not going to be an easy landing.
I woke in the middle of the night. As dreams do, the words echoed over and over in the darkness “we’ll make it down but it’s not going to be an easy landing.”
Lights up
PLATH
I really do. I think you’re psychic
JANE
Why?
PLATH
You are. (pause) Hey listen. I have to mail this letter. Would you come with me? Would you walk with me—just down the street?
JANE
Sure.
EXIT
PLATH
(retrieving a letter from his desk)
It’s nice outside. It’s nice to be outside. A spring day.
(they start out)
PLATH
What is your favorite season to fall in love.
JANE
(tiring of it)
I don’t know.
PLATH
Any season! Is that right?
JANE
Yes.
(walk a little way)
PLATH
Wow. You look like a professor in that outfit. I didn’t realize it before.
JANE does not respond
PLATH
You look like one of my professors in the doc program. God, you’re intimidating the hell out of me, to be honest.
(lights dim – standing in nowhwere)
PLATH
Tell me something.
JANE
What should I tell you?
PLATH
Let’s see. What are you studying right now?
JANE
I just read something about brain development that I thought was interesting—you know. I don’t really want to talk about--
PLATH
I want to hear about it—tell me. It’s interesting...really.
JANE
It has to do with abuse and attachment. and brain structures. The amygdala—where we feel fear. It’s enlarged when a child is abused. Over reactive. It releases these chemicals and they are pumping through your brain all the time. Stress hormones.
PATH
Here we are. At the mailbox. We have to go back now, I guess?
(walk back to the chairs. Sit)
JANE
Here we are again.
PATH
Here we are.
JANE
Don’t you ever get sick of hearing people’s problems. I mean, I respect what you do and im sure people say the same thing about my research. Watching videos of parents and babies for hours and coding every little interaction. (pause) but every day you listen to problems over and over. Doesn’t it get boring?
PLATH
No. (long pause). I don’t get bored. I like to watch people. Like looking out the window at a little bird. I just watch them and try to think who are they? What does this little bird. Studying them—who is this little bird I’m watching-- Like you. You are a lion. You are fierce and try to scare everyone away—but inside you are like a kitten...afraid. It intimidates me you intimidate me, how vulnerable you are. I’m afraid I’m going to hurt you.
JANE
No. I’m fine.
PLATH
No. I don’t get bored. And, you know sometimes—therapists sometimes they think about a client. That’s their way of knowing that something is stirred up inside of them. There are clients that a therapist thinks about all of the time. I think about certain clients all day, no matter what I’m doing— In that case, I meditate on it. What does this client mean to me?
LIGHTS
Jane
being psychopathic rarely means that you're a serial killer – or even that you'll break the law. Actually, within the framework of clinical psychology, a psychopath is someone with a distinct cluster of personality traits including charm, charisma, fearlessness, ruthlessness, narcissism, persuasiveness, and lack of conscience.
That’s what they said on an on-line psychopath test.
I am saying this now because I know the whole story. I didn’t know back then then and I was on a mission to remove my own sexual abuse projections from a friendship. I told him everything and that made me think...
Well, it made me think that he was the person who could go with me back to Georgia, back to 12 years old. He had gone places with me in my mind before—hypnosis I guess. And, it’s true, I thought all the time about going back. Ready at a moment’s notice, ready to save her. I told my friend after Plath broke up with me. I told her that was what I wanted, to go back and get her—me. But, my friend said. You can’t. It’s gone.
I told him once. It’s like going behind a curtain. Incest. The world outside is normal but you and this other person know the secret place you are together. He said to me “are you saying you are having feelings?”
The whole story waits for me and in the mean time, I make up lies. I embroider the truth. But, eventually I do find out.
Lights come up. Another woman plays an attorney. Plath is sitting at a long table. They are frozen.
Enter JANE. This is what I found after I stopped going to therapy—or really, after Plath broke up with me. That was what it was. It was around the same time he lost his psychologist license. “I may be going away sooner than I thought.”
(holding up a paper). Here it is. After searching on and off for months. Typing things into google like “psychologist transference.” “psychologist boundary violations.” Things like that. Trying to find out the truth—because I was complicit. So totally complicit and that made the secret burrow itself. There was no one to tell. There was no where to go except behind the curtain. The truth was all tangled up in my neurons. In my reptilian brain. After therapy with Plath ended, every few months for a year I would do a psychologist look up. Then one day his psychologist license was revoked. And a pdf was there attached, a hearing document. Typed up in that formal legal format: numbers down the side, tracking sentences for reference. The date of the hearing was at the end of my therapy with Plath.
Line 36: The Board’s proposal to revoke the license of Licensee and to impose a $10,000 civil penalty is based on the following alleged facts that constitue violations of state statues and ethical principles:
39: Client a, an adult female, was referred to Licensee by her boyfriend, Client B an adult male who had received therapy from Licenssee. Client B had extolled quialities of his girlfriend, as well as, some of her vulnerabilities. After initating therapy with Client A, Licensee informed Client B that he had “graduated,” and no longer needed therapy. For 6 months client A (the girlfriend) met with Licensee for weekly sessions. Client A sought therapy due to social relationship issues she had with me. During the course of multiple therapy sessions, Licensee made inappropriate self disclosures to Client A and displayed poor judgement by engaging in role play and physical touch that lacked therapeutic value. Licensee reported feeling strong attration toward the client. Liensee disclosed he had recently ended a long relationship and intiated inappropariate physical contact with her. Licensee called her at home after the last session and arranged for her to come to his apartment the next day whereupon they entered a sexual relationship that lasted sporatically for two years.
JANE (continued)
But, I didn’t know any of this. So I went back to him. He said all sorts of things that were lodging themselves inside of me, and I was waiting for my opportunity to ask him to go back with me.
PLATH – circles her and throws these lines out
Tell me your sexual fantasies. You can tell me—once a therapist and client get to a certain point, you can tell.
JANE
No I don’t feel comfortable.
PLATH
You live in a hundred year old house? Mine is brand new. I can stand and face the woods through large glass windows. I relax at night. Watch TV. Have sex to relax.
(circling)
there is a lecture tonight here at the center. I’m putting it together. It’s on domestic violence. The speaker describes it as a man’s desire for control. Dr. Manly. (pause). Do you want to come with me?
JANE
I can’t.
PLATh
Do you orgasm when you fantasize?
JANE
Yes.
PLATH
You have to be careful. There are nerve endings in the clitorous and they remember fantasies and then they need the fantasy to climax.
JANE and PLATH in his office.
PLATH
Standing near the tea station.
Tea?
JANE
No, thanks.
PLATH
Hmmm. I have to figure out why you won’t drink my tea. (pause) moves to the desk.
JANE
I just have coffee before I come.
PLATH
(holding up a large envelope)
Did you see the man who left? Who passed you in the hallway?
JANE
No. I didn’t notice.
PLATH
He was just in here. This is his MRI. (laughs a little) He brought it in to show me.
JANE
Oh.
PLATH
He has a brain tumor. He wanted me to see it.
(sits across from her)
Jane. Jane. How is Jane?
JANE
I’m all right.
PLATH
What’s on your mind?
JANE
Oh you know. I wanted to ask you. When I sent you that e-mail about our appointment. It looked like there was a sentence you started, or forgot to delete. It said “I think we better...” I wanted to see if you wanted to tell me something.
PLATH
No. (pause). No. I didn’t.
JANE
Ok. Well, things are ok. I’m working and thinking maybe I should give up on my doctorate.
PLATH
Why?
JANE
I’m tired of it. I’m tired of doing everything. Cleaning, taking care of Chloe. I feel like I can’t do everything.
PLATH
Isn’t that what you’re supposed to do?
JANE
What do you mean?
PLATH
You’re married. You have a family. (pause) You know what one of my professors used to tell me? (pause). He said when you feel like this—like it’s too much. You should actually do more.
JANE
More?
PLATH
Yes. And, it’s true.
JANE
Oh, I can see that. I can see how if you get more done then you feel like you’ve accomplished things. There is a lot of frustration. I’m taking writing classes now too. I think maybe that’s what I want to do.
PLATH
You can’t do both?
JANE
I’m trying to. (pause). I feel like maybe there is a projection thing with this one professor. He’s horrible. He’s mean but I’m worried that its sexual or I’m sexual.
PLATH
Why?
JANE
I don’t know. There was this one moment where I gave him my story and he looked at me for a long time. I could feel that. I was worried that I would just fall into that terrible incest thing. Behind the curtain.
PLATH
(after a moment)
you should drop the class.
JANE
Do you think so?
PLATH
Yes. You should drop it.
JANE
Ok. I will.
A moment passes.
klj
JANE
I wanted to talk to you about something.
PLATH
You did?
JANE
I wanted to talk to you about memories I’ve been having. They’re—remember I told you that I moved to Georgia when I was eleven? (pause –looks up at the clock)
(pause) I’ve never been able to deal with it—I always wanted to I tried. Everything, I lost it. (looks at the clock)
PLATh
Why are you looking at the clock? Do you want to leave? Can’t wait to get out of here?
JANE
No.
PLATH
What happened in Georgia?
Lights.
Lights dim on stage.
Jane is standing to the side. There is a curtain behind her. Enter Plath.
JANE
(hair down)
We’re here—behind the curtain.
PLATH
Did you do something new to your hair?
JANE
No.
PLATH
It’ looks different than it usually does.
Without a word Jane pulls her hair back and puts it in a pony tail.
They stare at each other for a moment.
EXIT PLATH
JANE to audience
There are only a few memories and together and on their own, they don’t mean anything. I’m saying I can’t tell you what happened. But, if he could’ve come with me, he could see it too. The first is a old carpet, medium pile. I am in the dirty trailer my mother rented in the trailer park in Acworth. I am near the ceiling and I’m looking down. And I swoop in a smooth arc down from the ceiling to the floor. I can see the fibers of the rug closely. I can see that they are actually many fibers twisted forming each tuft.
(looks up at clock)
Enter PLATH
PLATH
(skeptical)
Jane.
JANE
Another is the puppies. There was a litter. They were little round black and white puppies. I wanted one so badly. I loved their little round bellies and their puppy smell (starts to cry). (looks at the clock). I wanted one, but I couldn’t have one so I’d go out with the other kids and play with them. They waited outside the little stairs to the trailer. I loved them. But, one day, there were puddles of water. There were holes where the posts of the trailers went in. (looks at clock)
PLATH
Why do you keep looking at the clock—do you want to leave?
JANE
No. Time is just moving funny.
PLATH
How.
JANE
It will seem like a long time, then I look and only a minute has passed. (pause) so I went outside and the puppies were dead. They drowned in the puddles. (stops)
PLATH doesn’t say anything.
JANE
And, the last. The last. I was in this room. (looks at the clock) This dark room in the trailer. I kept telling myself I was someone else. I didn’t want to be myself. It wasn’t like another personality, but I would pretend like that. And, that room was dark and small. The walls were thin and covered in linoleium. I remember the wrinkled sheets and the dirty pillow (looks at the clock). Something is happening, but I only can see or remember this plaque.
PLATH
What is a plaque.
JANE
It’s a little wooden –its like a picture—I called it a plaque—it was one of those from the 1970s. It as I think they call it deopauge. There was a little clown. Three balloons. It was one of those 1970s clowns with shellac. The name said Sally Smith.
PLATH
I don’t understand.
JANE
I don’t know. This is what I’m trying to tell you.
PLATh
That there’s a plaque.
JANE
(growing upset)
I have to go.
PLATH
You want to leave?
JANE
I have to go
(gather her things and exits)
Lights fade.
JANE
(picks up the phone)
Dr Plath?
PLATH
On the other side of the stage.
Yes?
JANE
It’s Jane.
PLATH
Oh, hi Jane.
JANE
I’m calling because—I wanted to tell you. I was very upset today.
PLATH
I could see that. I was going to call you to make sure you were ok.
JANE
I feel its important to tell you--
PLATH
Tell me what?
JANE
I didn’t like the way you said—I didn’t like the way you just said. It’s stupid. But when we were talkig about Georgia and the picture in the room—I didn’t like the way you acted. I didn’t sleep all night. I was crying.
Lights dim.
PLATH
(picks up phone after a moment)
Jane?
JANE
Picks up the phone.
PLATH
I’m sorry I hurt your feelings. It has taken me a lot to call you. I’ve wanted to --
JANE
It’s all right.
PLATH
It was a big thing for me to do. I have been thinking about it for a while.
JANE
It’s ok. I just wanted you to know.
PLATH
I shouldn’t have brought it up like that. I usually make sure to allow clients to initiate triggering topic. I usually wouldn’t do that.
JANE
Ok.
PLATH
I hope you sleep well tonight.
Lights.
JANE (to audience)
This is where it turns. It has already turned. It was the same time he was being reprimanded for having sex with his female client.
Lights dim.
Lights on PLATH & Lawyer in another part of the stage.
PLATH
I had just ended a long relationship (long pause). Yes I was extremely attracted to her. I tried to end our professional relationship –
LAWYER
But?
PLATH
It was completely wrong. I had feelings for a client. It was an unusual situation.
LAWYER
And you entered into a sexual relationship with her?
PLATH
(head down)
yes.
LAWYER
You were completing licensing hours. Did you at any time speak to your supervisor?
PLATH
I wanted to.
LAYWER
But you didn’t?
PLATH
No. I had strong feelings for her. I still do.
LIGHTS dim & come up.
JANE waits in “waiting room” indicated by two folding chairs off to the side. Reading a magazine. PLATH sneaks in stealthily without her knowing. Sits down next to her.
JANE
Oh you scared me.
PLATH
(joking)
Hello, doctor. I’m ready for my appointment.
JANE
(doesn’t say anything.)
They both stand.
PLATH
Miss Jane. How is Miss Jane today?
(they walk to the office).
JANE
I’m ok.
PLATH
Come in. would you like some tea?
JANE
No thanks
PLATH
Oh, that’s right I remember. Jane doesn’t drink tea.
JANE
I’m sorry about the session a few weeks ago and not coming in.
PLATH
That’s all right. You come in when you want to. Its for you. Not me.
JANE
Oh good. I’m glad its ok.
(both sit)
PLATH
Of course it is. (pasue, serious). Jane, I know you and you know me--
JANE
(abrupt but kind)
Actually I don’t know you. At all. You’re my therapist. You know everything about me and I don’t know anything about you.
PlATH
(drawing away)
JANE
I wanted to tell you--I had a dream the other night. it was about you and me.
PLATH
(visibly off balance)
Oh, I’m having such anxiety.
JANE
In the dream, we were sitting at a table. I was leaning over to kiss you. But, then I stopped. A woman came in and I realized this wasn’t right. It wasn’t right to do. I stood up and started to leave. And she whispered “thank you.” I walked out and I was lost in a terrible place. It was dark and it was a dangerous neighborhood. I kept wanting someone to take me in until it was daytime again. I could see a gang of dangerous people down the road. It was dark and I was alone. But, you know how dreams are. I was in a plane next. And, it was silent and the cabin moved in that uneasy impossible way up high in the air. Then the stewardess came on and told us “attention. We are having a problem. Our landing gear is malfunctioning.” Everyone was nervous and a murmur gew in the cabin. “please she said. We don’t have any landing gear. The plane will make it down, but it isn’t going to be an easy landing.”
PLATH
(after a moment)
I think you’re psychic. I really do Jane.
JANE
I realized that I’m going to get out of this, but I’m going to almost crash.
PLATH
(fingers intertwined and moving nervously)
This is why you’re psychid—I’ve been--I have to tell you something, Jane. (pause) I’m going to need to end therapy.
JANE
Why?
PLATH
(continues movement with hands)
It’s just--There comes a time in therapy when –sometimes a therapist and a client are done. They’re run their course.
JANE
We are?
PLATH
((continues movement with hands stops looks at his hands)
laughs nervously)
I don’t know why I keep making this sexual gesture with my hands.
JANE
I didn’t notice. I didn’t think it was sexual until you said it.
PLATH
Jane. You can’t be sober with me. You can’t be real. Look at how you act.
JANE
What do you mean?
PLATH
Look at you. What am I suppsed to doing you’re trying to be coy and it goes on and on.
(no response)
Tell me, am I supposed to go along with you? Laugh at your jokes all of the time? (pause) Why do you act like that?
JANE
That’s how I relate to people, expecially wen I talk about trauma.
PLATH
Oh come on. Jane. You can do better than that. You can’t come in here and be sober. You put yourself in this place all the time.
JANE
What am I supposed to do? Come in here and talk about sexual abuse and then (condescending ) act like you’re an old college friend?
PLATH
Don’t mock me.
JANE
I’m sorry.
PLATH
You don’t have to work out your issues with me though me. I had another client who wanted that from me. I told her-- she didn’t have to project that on me. She didn’t have to work it out that way.
JANE
I’m not.
PLATH
Why can’t you be real? Jane, really. It’s time in therapy for me to push you. I can’t let you remain...
JANE
Ok.
PLATH
I’m leaving anyway. I have to take a medical leave. I was going to tell you. But you are one of my more fragile patients. There are a few of you I’ve been worried about telling.
JANE
It’s ok. I’m fine. Where are you going?
PLATH
I think I’ll go back home for a while. I need surgery in a few months for a knee injury. So I’ll go back to Idaho. I think I’m going to write a book. It takes a lot to help patients with trauma issues and it’s been too long—I’m worn down.
JANE
Oh. (pasue). That’s good. I’ll bet you’ll be a good writer.
PLATH
(stares at her for a moment)
So, we’ll need to end therapy.
JANE
When?
PLATH
I’m leaving soon. (pause) I think it would be best if this was our last session.
JANE
Don’t we do something for closure?
PLATH
Not always. Therapsts and patients don’t always need to do that.
JANE
I don’t understand. I feel like you’re mad at me.
PLATh
You can’t be real, Jane. You can’t be sober in life. I can’t let you continue to go on like that in here. It’s a wast of both of our time-- There’s a time when a therapist needs to –you don’t need closure. If you do we’ll figure out a way. How do you want to have closure?
Lights dim.
JANE (to audience)
Maybe we can be friends? We could meet for lunch sometime? –these are the things I thought but I didn’t say—You could meet me on campus. I know just the place to have lunch. I told my coworker—what if we can be friends. After the appropriate time period ends? “Oh right” she said “I’m sure that is everyone’s fantasy. To have a friend who also happens to be your old therapist.”
Walks over to the phone
JANE
Kevin?
PLATH
Jane?
JANE
I wanted to talk with you about something. I don’t like that we just ended therapy. Can I make an appointment with you?
PLATH
Why don’t you come to my office at 7:00.
JANE
Will anyone be there at night?
PLATH
I’ll be here.
JANE
OK
Lights dim. Come up on the other side of the stage. PLATH is waiting in the waiting room, the office is dark, empty.
JANE
Hi.
PLATH
Hi.
JANE
Thanks for meeting with me.
PLATH
Sure, Jane. Come on in.
JANE
Thanks.
They enter office and sit.
JANE
I wanted to talk—to talk to you about something.
PLATH
Well, here we are.
JANE
You asked me to be real so I want to be real.
PLATH
OK.
JANE
I love my husband.
PLATH
Great.
JANE
He’s the only man I trust.
PLATH
That’s why you came here? To tell me that?
JANE
No. I thought I could trust you too. I want to trust you. When I was a child, I was sexually abused. I didn’t know the difference when someone was manipulating me and when they liked me. When I was nineteenI dated a guy who ended up being abusive and crazy and I was terrified so I moved away. I went to a therapist and he said inappropriate things to me. Sexual things.
PLATH
Really?
JANE
I worked at resturants and dealt with sexual harassment. Knew that every other woman I worked with did too. One woman didn’t want to sleep with a cook so he put the plate she was going to pick up . he put it in the over and she had third degree burns on her hands. When I was eleven I moved to a gerogiz and I was abused by my uncle. My mother was always trying to put me in situations with men where I was –I was vulnerable to abuse. I was exploited. I moved to San Francisco and I had to stay with a friend of a friend. He said –joking but real—that if I wanted to stay there I had to sleep with him. I had less than 100 and no where to go--
PLATH
Jane, I’ve worked with a lot of women in the sex industry. Women with backgrounds. Sometimes there’s a happy ending.
JANE
I’m not a sex worker. That’s not what I’m telling you.
PLATH
What are you telling me Jane?
JANE
Im telling you all these things. You know I was raped when I was 27. It goes on and on. This list. And out of every man I’ve known, there’s only been one that I trust. That’s Nick. That’s it.
PLATh
Maybe you should learn to trust other men.
JANE
Why should I?
(no response)
JANE
I feel like. You’ve been acting weird. You’ve – I can’t tell if you’ve been trying to—How do I know you’re not trying to sleep with me.
PLATH
Why do you think that?
JANE
When men are nice the way you are, that’s what they’re doing.
PLATH
I never have before.
JANE
You’ve never had a relationship with a client? A sexual relathionship?
PLATH
No. I’ve never done that before.
(long moment)
JANE
Ok.
PLATH
Stands up.
So, this is it. We’re done?
JANE
What if I need to call you?
PLATH
You’ll be fine.
Lights.
End play 2.